Sixty years on the Throne

Posted on 8th May 2012
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To celebrate her 60 years sitting on the Throne,

We’re organising booze-ups and promise we won’t moan

About our stupid weather or the year-long hosepipe ban.

We’ll keep a stiffy (upper lip) in the style of Princess Anne.

 

We’ll drink our tea with fingers out like real life plutocrats,

But we won’t be eating pasties cos of “Poor Man’s Pasty VAT”.

Instead, we’ll get our wellies out, a posh frock and a brolly.

Enjoy the party, British grub: a pork pie and a wally.

 

We’ve paid the Beeb their licence fee so we can watch the Queen

Wave and say, “By Golly  that’s the biggest crowd I’ve seen”.

We’ll stand so calmly in the queue for ten pints down the pub,

And pile our paper plates real high with all that freebie grub.

 

We dream of a loquacious time with Charles and Stephen Fry,

But most of all we dream and hope the weekend will be dry.

Whilst yakking with these chums of ours we’ll wave our Union Jack

And keep our fingers firmly crossed our phones aren’t being hacked.

 

And finaly it’s time for home, so we all pile in the tube

Like sardines in a sardine can with elbows in your boob.

Back home it’s time for a cuppa tea, your slippers and your nightie.

Who cares about the weather? It’s good to be in Blighty.

The underlined words are NOT links, as I don’t know how to link to something on the same page. However, the words are defined below for those of you that aren’t British. They appear in the same order as the poem.

Throne … the raised seat of a monarch … or what we Brits call the toilet or loo.

Booze up … a bit of a drinking spree.

Weather … we Brits are notorious for moaning about our very changeable weather. And so too would you if you had to take a bikini, wellies, hat, coat, scarf, sandals and umbrella with you every day. It’s the only country we know where you can experience all four seasons in one day.

Hosepipe ban … don’t get me started. We have 3 foot floods at the bottom of our hill and all the surrounding fields. Our water company execs pay themselves millions in bonuses. We still pay our water rates, but we have a hosepipe ban until Christmas. Can someone explain that to me?

Stiffy and stiff upper lip … A stiffy is too rude to discuss on a family site. Keeping a stiff upper lips, however, is something Brits are allegedly good at.  It’s all about our ability to hide our emotions in difficult times. If you’re scared or upset, you just try stopping your lips from quivering. And whay the upper lip? This all started back in the 1800s when it was common for blokes to have moustaches, so it would be quite noticeable if your upper lip was shaking.

Princess Anne (just like her mother – the Queen) is very good at keeping her emotions to herself.

Sticking your little finger out whist drinking tea is supposed to be a sign that you’re posh. However, it’s probably due to the size of the handles on classsic teacups … you just can’t get your fingers through the gap. And … THE QUEEN doesn’t stick her finger out.

Poor Man’s Pasty VAT … again, don’t get me started. The current coalition government of the UK has added VAT to takeaway hot food. It is said that this is mainly due to the fact that they’re all too posh to eat takeaways of any description, thus increasing the tax poorer people pay. All we can say is that this new rule isn’t very popular.

Wellies, posh frock and brolly … see entry relating to weather (third one down).

Grub … this does not mean Brits like eating insect larvae. It’s just a slang word for food.

A pork pie and a wally … that’s a traditional British meat pie – the most well known being from Melton Mowbray. It's a British colloquial term for the gherkin. Originally it was London slang corruption of the word "Olive" but when Eastern European immigrants arrived in the late 19th Century they brought a liking for pickled cucumbers which, like olives, were sold from wooden barrels and also began to be referred to as a wallies (mostly in the east-end of London).

The Beeb … The BBC, of course. Wa have to pay a licence fee to the BBCin order that we can watch other channels that are unrelated to the BBC.

By Golly … supposedly a phrase posh people use to show surprise or wonderment. We did a quick poll in the office and we think the Queen doesn’t actually use this phrase. Ths Stylistics did in their song, “Betcha by golly wow!” But they don’t seem particularly posh.

Queue … everyone knows (or thinks) that Brits love queuing or standing in line. No we don’t. We’re just polite and because we’re polite that doesn’t mean you can jump in front of us.

We do love a good pub though. It’s a place you go for a beer or a wine and a chat with your mates.

Loquacious … a word that Prince Charles or Stephen Fry might use to describe a chatty person.  You know who Price Charles is and it would take too long to describe all the things Stephen Fry does, but he sounds as posh as Prince Charles.

Dry weekend … see entry for weather again (third one down). Yes, we do love talking about the weather.

Yakking … a less posh word for talking incessantly.

Chums … if you’re a normal person you have mates, pals or friends. Posher people have chums.

Union Jack … the flag that’ll be waved thoughout the London Olympics and the Queen’s diamond jubilee. It’s used by the UK and is an amalgam of the crosses of St Andrew, St Patrick and St George.

Phone hacking … what was allegedly done by Rupert Murdoch and his team, in order to get stories.

The tube … the London underground or metro.

Boob … those jubbly things that women have.

A cuppa tea … we Brits just love to put our feet up with a nice cup of tea and relax in our slippers (from Monster Slippers, of course) and sleepwear.

Weather … talking about the weather again?

Blighty … is a British English slang term forBritain, deriving from the Hindustani word vilāyatī (pronounced bilāti in many Indian dialects and languages).

Phew! Put the kettle on, we need a nice cuppa tea.

See you next week.

Love and hugs form the Monster team. xx

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